The Practice Group
Nigel & Jenny Heath:-
Address: Jinglewood House Ltd, Lyndhurst Road, Landford. Wiltshire
SP5 2AS
All of Nigel’s other reports:
2004 NLP reports
2003 NLP reports
Nigel’s report for the May 2009 meeting. Karen Williams
“How to be a better COMMUNICATOR with NLP”
Karen uses psychometric testing in her coaching practice, in particular the DISC method. Knowing more about how you relate to the rest of the world can be useful in communicating more effectively with all those people who don’t understand your ‘map of the world’. You know the ones I mean, they are usually misguided or just plain wrong!
Karen gave us a brief description of each ‘type’ and asked us to decide which might be our preferred style, though of course as NLPers we don’t fit into any particular box and even if someone else thought we did we would jump out just as soon as they turn their back. However for the sake of the evening and to pretend we have the flexibility to act as if we are ‘boxable’ we chose the best fit at the time, whilst keeping our fingers firmly crossed and protecting our right to be any of them at a different or same time.
D ominance
I nfluence
S teadiness
C ompliance
As Karen explained the four styles of personality relevant to DISC she also gave us examples of people who fitted the type and the % of the U.K. population that each type referred to. Just in case you were one of the two people who didn’t manage to get there (you must plan your diary better) here’s a potted version. (Those of you who were there can go and put the kettle on now, whilst the others catch up, or read this to remind you of what fun we had on the evening).
Dominance. People in this style tend to be direct, (I said they are direct) typically self starters, often impatient, (Oh no we aren’t) forceful, competitive, inquisitive and wanting results (preferably NOW). Examples include Maggie Thatcher, Alan Sugar and Debra Meaden. 3% of the U.K. displays Dominance as their main style, in our small sample of NLPers 23.5% chose this style.
Influence. These are the friendly (hello darling), persuasive, positive (oh yes we
are) chatty types. Apparently displaying inattentiveness to de-
Um! Does this tell us anything?
Steadiness. The good listeners of the world, (pay attention please) kind, dependable,
deliberate, amiable, organised and methodical. (Make great baby sitters, and probably
great at finishing off after Dominants or Influencers). They like life to proceed
at a steady pace. (Do get on with it). Examples include John Major, Mother Teresa,
(look where it got her) and apparently Barrack O’Bama (he has Irish connections you
know, to be sure). In the U.K. 69% display this style. In our group a mere 11.75%.
Now I know why I enjoy NLP-
Compliant. These are the logical, systematic and detail loving people. Prone to perfectionism,
precise, needing support (and needing to get out and smell the roses). Examples include
Gordon Brown and Goren Erickson. U.K. 16% profess to be compliant. In NLP-
Stop pressing the Esc key now! Or else..
Fast lane closed
And talking of exercises, one comes along soon. But just before then Karen suggested the natural communication styles of each personality. Dominance “Tell em!” I said “Just tell them!” Influence Friendly and enthusiastic. Steadiness Amiable, liking routine. Compliant Cautious. Avoiding conflict. And so on to the fun bit.
Karen asked us to split into smaller groups based on our primary DISC profile. Recognising that like all inventory systems people rarely fit exclusively into one type. For the sake of playing we needed to choose our main type. The Dominance and Influence groups formed immediately whilst the other two groups waited to see how the land lay and took their time. In the end Steady & Compliant joined forces so they could play properly. Karen had thoughtfully prepared us some questions on a handout so each group could explore the same areas. Makes the feedback session so much more interesting.
The Questions
How does your group communicate?
What is your ‘Map of the World’?
What language do you use?
How do you build rapport?
Where might there be conflict with other styles?
How might you mismatch someone else?
The (right) Answers
I have lots of notes on the group I was in, which just happened to be Influence, though I could have chosen another one on another night, if I felt like it.
We communicated with confident energy. Able to take 2nd position and use stories, metaphors and jokes. In this group there was no fear of public speaking, and it was quite tricky getting a word in edgewise!
Our map of the world was flexible, allowing anything to be possible. It contained very few limiting beliefs, (except that one), and we felt in charge of our map.
Our language was rich in metaphor and multi-
Rapport is our natural state. Getting out of rapport was more difficult.
We felt there might be conflict with the slower pace of Steadiness and we’re not terribly Compliant.
We felt it would be possible to mis-
We were loud, laughed a lot and had fun together.
Other Answers
Dominance. Thought that provided the rest of us did as we were told there would be no trouble.
Steadiness and Compliance agreed that mis-
I’m open to additional thoughts here from the other groups if they feel I have in
any way mis-
Our final exercise after the first feedback session was to pair up with someone from
another group and discuss which NLP techniques might be useful in improving communication.
With the heightened awareness of the first exercise it was interesting to notice
how we had polarised from the other types. In the final analysis we all felt using
well formed outcomes would help all types and the use of perceptual positions, if
possible, parts work to deal with internal conflict between our own mix of types
and metaphor to keep us all in a place where we could ascribe our own meaning to
the communication. How specifically?
Thank you Karen for structuring a fun and interesting
evening. My learning hinges around how easy it is to gravitate to similar people
and yet how useful it is to blend a team from all types, finding them roles which
suit their preferred way of working.
To download Karen’s free report “7 steps to get ahead in your career (and beat the recession)” go to www.selfdiscoverycoaching.co.uk. Where you can also find out more about DISC and Karen’s coaching.
